in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
