we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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