i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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