Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
