the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Come on in and take your pants off
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