Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
