Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
