I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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