I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
