so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He shit in the fireplace
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
