i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
