did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
