there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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