She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
