She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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