dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
