WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
