Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
