you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
