if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
