I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
