Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
