it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
