Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
should my penis look like a turkey
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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