420 ftw
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
