So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
