so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You were trust falling into bushes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
