oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
