I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You were trust falling into bushes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
