Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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