Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
