one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
