I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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