Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
