What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
