watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
