you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Found your dick twin last night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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