His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
