Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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