She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
