I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
