What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
