God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
