We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
