it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
