he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
