I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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