at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
