me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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