weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The struggles of a small town man whore
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
