At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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